Welcome to What I have to Say

At the moment, even I don't know what that is, I'm just glad I can type fast. Stay tuned and we'll see where this leads me, us.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Nite Time - Turned into Morning

And my eyes are wide as saucers. It’s strange but to sleep feels like I'm losing time with my dad on this earth, even though I'm still 75 miles away from him.

He was so brave when I spoke with him tonight.  He told me "Don't cry for me! I could've been gone 20 years ago, but we had the past 20, isn't that something?!" I told him I still had things planned for us I wanted to do. And he said, "Mija, you do them. That's life. You go and do them for us." I asked him if he was in pain, he said, exclaimed, "No! Isn't that wonderful? No pain at all."

I think I cried half this much when I learned I lost my own health 20 years ago.

It is said that you can pick you friends but you can't pick your family. Well, I am very proud to say that someone very special chose me to be part of their family. My Dad married my mom when I was only eight months old.  My Dad chose me to be his daughter.

Dad gave me so much in life.  Perhaps not Life itself, but when he married my mom, he made a choice to be my Dad and from then on life's teachings, joy, safety, direction, goals, yep, whippings, okay, maybe 1 whipping; but the influences of my Life involve this wonderful man I have the privilege of calling my Dad.  For fun, I'd call him Papi, but in all seriousness, My Daddy.

I honor my Dad in professing that I would choose my Dad, Sam Rubio, to be my Dad 10+ lifetimes over!

Today, we learned treatment is not beating the pancreatic cancer that has invaded his body.  We are told he is to begin Hospice care tomorrow, well, today.

I’m driving to be with my Daddy tomorrow to begin Hospice.

But, I want to go fishing with my Dad this summer!

I want to ride on the ranch in the ranch truck and count the deer, and exclaim, “whoa, did you see that fox!” when we see a fox. 

God's Country

And feed the fish in the pond, or set the snares for critters or hog pens for the wild boar, and fill the deer feeders.  And bait the Antler traps with alfalfa. 
Antler traps

I want to make him breakfast, and then make him a yummy dinner and Banana pudding, his favorite, for dessert.  Then, hear him say, “that was great.”  (That just made me smile.)  I want to watch the Australian and French Open, like we so often did when I strategically took vacation days to spend with him on the ranch – to watch tennis!

 I want to watch him play fetch w/Belle in the pond; wearing my dog out such that we make it back to the house and she sleeps in the dirt.  I want to sit on the porch with dad and just watch … watch whatever is in front of us.

Dad's Front Porch
I’m so glad that we rode the Livestrong Challenge in 2010, he was 69 years old.  He left me behind, but then waited for me to catch up so we could ride through the finish together.

We lost Mom a year earlier.  She went peacefully in her sleep.  He really missed her ever since.

I’m so happy that I invited and he accepted to accompany me to Davis Cup, USA v Spain here in Austin in June 2011.  HE LOVED IT!

1st Day - DAVIS CUP
But instead, I am going to be there to support Dad through hospice beginning in a few hours.

My Dad
I turn 49 next month.  Dad, you will always be my Daddy.  I Love You.